A Curious Decision

Reflecting on my path through social dynamics I’m starting to see what thought patterns shifted that transcend any conversational technique. The most fundamental change in how I approach an interaction was learning to take an interest in the lives of all people. My natural tendency was one of self-absorption and factual exchanges. Asking people about their lives took a curiosity that felt strange. After all who was I too ask personal questions and expect an answer especially when I wasn’t inherently interested. My first girlfriend lived about 30 minutes away from me and I remember awkward car rides between our houses’ involving forced smiles and loud music.

Now I can’t remember the last time I was around a person I wanted to talk with and the conversation felt forced. The simple change that I made was to be constantly curious about the people around me. And it was a conscious decision. The first thing I convinced myself was that every person has infinite things to discuss and that there are endless commonalities. We all have a favorite food. We all have parents. Most people like movies. Most people went to high school. Most people like having adventures and friends. We all have dreams and hopes. We all have embarrassing moments. All it takes is one question (preferably open-ended) to unlock limitless possibilities.

Once I began to take an interest in the lives of others an interesting thing happened; I began telling stories that answered my own questions. Soon after deciding to be curious I had stories that people wanted to listen to. I started meeting people who were full of interesting stories. Of course these were the same types of folks I was already meeting but without curiosity I never would have gotten to know them in all their coolness. Suddenly it wasn’t random people but friends and there were so many the challenge became keeping track of them all. Being socially connected meant I stopped having to look hard to find a date. Either my friends knew someone interesting and pretty to introduce me to or I saw a girl with an interesting shirt and I had to know the story. It all started with the conscious decision to be curious.