Touch Her!

I’m talking to an attractive girl and we are at a point where she is sharing something amazing. I wrack my brain thinking of the perfect reward or witty statement to show my appreciation of her. What to say, what to say? And then I remember that an easy way to escalate is to show my appreciation in a physical manner. I kino by grabbing her hand and watch her smile as I say whatever (rather unspectacular) thing that pops into my mind. We continue to talk and grow closer, in every sense of the word, to each other.

Kino is fundamentally important to escalation. The smoothest talker in the world is going to have a hell of a time getting sexual with anybody if he hesitates while touching. The timing and application of kino is something that requires intuition, presence and balls. Left to my own I devices there is a good chance I’m lacking in one of these three at any given moment. It helps me to breakdown what is effective so I can use logic to know that I’m touching in a way that is appropriate and pleasant.

I have separated kino in to two different categories in my mind, casual kino and escalating kino. Casual kino is quick touches to the outside of the arm, shoulder, wrists or wherever and works basically all the time. I usually open with the back of my hand to their upper arm to get attention before I speak. A warm hand-shake (the hand sandwich) or a hug during introductions is a must. I then use casual kino throughout the entire interaction. When I ask a question, relate, give a reward, etc, I tap their arm or shoulder in a way that is both relaxed and committed. I don’t leave my hand there very long but my moves are slow and confident. I like giving people high fives or the rock as well because it is fun and light (an energy that I enjoy bringing into an interaction.) Casual kino isn’t very risky and doesn’t escalate rapidly but it is important as it makes the other person comfortable with the fact that we will be in physical contact. This kind of kino is appropriate with most people and in most social situations without seeming strange. I touched my family members in this casual way throughout the holidays and thus far have not been accused of trying to pick up on my cousins.

Escalating kino is where the timing and application make a huge difference. Always escalate the interaction on her high points. Her high point is defined by her putting energy into the interaction like when she is telling a story, joke or opening up. This makes her feel she earned the kino, thus she enjoys it fully. My first big kino jump is usually taking her hand and holding it briefly right as she finishes telling me something she is excited about. Whenever I take a woman’s hand we both feel the ripple of energy through the air. It is an action that clearly demonstrates that we are connecting on personal (bordering on sexual) level. I also like to whisper a secret in her ear, sometime an SOI, to similar effect. Sometime around this point I make sure to SOI so the kino can start becoming more sexual (i.e. hand on her thigh, small of her back, pulling her in close, etc.) The crucial thing is that these escalation points happen on HER high points.

A few things to watch out for while touching.
1) Make sure to commit to the touch in a way that is slow, deliberate and confident.

2) Use kino as a reward and on her high points. When I do this it is almost always accepted positively and she rarely pulls back.

3) Don’t look at your hand or where you’re touching her. Look at her eyes in a confident way or don’t look at anything. I never ask to kino. I’m the man god dammit and I’m leading this interaction is a way that is confident and self-assured. She’ll let me know by pulling back if I overstep.

4) If for some strange reason she pulls back, I pull back too (slowly and confidently.) If I reach for a girl’s hand and she doesn’t seem to like it I’ll slowly move my hand away, wait a bit and calmly lean back while I continue to build rapport. Don’t get rattled, just keep building rapport and escalate again using a different form of touch.

5) Don’t hold to long. A few seconds at first and progressively longer. If you’re hand feels like it has been there too long it probably has, move it away and bring it back in a different way on the next high point.

6) Be flexible and watch what she likes. There are no concrete rules to escalation. If she doesn’t seem to enjoy touch then back off. Use verbal methods of escalation and come back to kino later.

7) If you feel like touching her, you probably should! Obviously don’t just grab her crotch but when that escalation window opens up it is important to climb on through it. I always get butterflies in my stomach when I reach for her hand because it is something I wouldn’t have done in the past. So I’ve learned that butterflies in my stomach means “I like this girl” and “it is time to escalate.”

By committing to kino in a confident way and escalating when it makes sense (once again: on her high point) I demonstrate that I know how to lead an interaction. I think of it like a dance. Ask any woman who is into dance she will tell you that a man who is a strong lead gets women turned on and she will follow wherever he wants to lead!